And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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