I think I died a long time ago.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
