you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
