OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
