I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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