apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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