Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize