i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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