She is in my trunk
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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