Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
