If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
