i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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