my room smells like sperm. sweet.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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