I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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