The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
