Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
