And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
