Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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