So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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