Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
