i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
