1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
