I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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