Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize