maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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