tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
