This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
