I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I need a beard to bite.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
