Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
