3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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