i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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