How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
