Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
