Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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