I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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