'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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