Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize