Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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