recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
