you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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