you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
