; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Someone shit on the floor
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize