she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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