the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize