I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
