well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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