I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
