today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
