I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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