Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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