quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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