My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize