I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
