You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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