I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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