saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
