R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
