I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
