He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
