there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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