...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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