hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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