i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
