M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
