butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
