I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
