i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
