I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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