If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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