I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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