so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
