yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
