The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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