how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
