1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
