This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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