I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
