whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
