I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
