She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
