Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
