I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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