Your face is a jimmy john
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
