i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
